Living with Perfectionism
perfectionism (n.)
refusal to accept any standard short of perfection
The other day, my friends and I attended a local university's education expo. The university made a visit to my school a few days before, and yesterday, because my friends and I decided to try and apply, we submitted all our admission requirements and did an interview for them to determine whether or not we were qualified for receiving the scholarships we desired.
At one point in the interview, the lady asked,
"So Joanne, according to you, what do you think are your strengths and weaknesses?"
I kind of saw this coming, and had already set up an answer in the back of my head. I began answering and at one point I mentioned the one most noticeable personality trait I have, that other people already know about me as well.
"Well, I'm a perfectionist..."
The words tasted like vinegar as I uttered it a little quicker than I'd expected. The thing is that I've never actually admitted it so straightforwardly. But it's true, it's been a part of who I am perhaps since middle school. The title of this post might make it sound like a disease or personality disorder, but that's not the case.
In psychology, perfectionism is defined as a trait characterised by a person's strive for flawlessness. We set immensely high standards and expectations, both upon ourselves and other people. I remember times where I would get a 99 on a test (a bloody 99, which in retrospect, is actually not too horrible) and I would cry. My friends would look at me and think God, is she really this hard on herself?
When you're a perfectionist, failures (or flaws, even) are strictly unacceptable. Many people validate the mistakes they make and simply call it "being human", but for perfectionists, this is almost never the case. When you fail, you think it's because the circumstances went against you, or it must be something you lack. You start questioning everything, and your mind turns to the familiar cycle of "I should've done that instead", "This is all wrong", or "It shouldn't have happened that way". You never feel truly satisfied.
But why?
Well hey, perfectionists, why are we like this? Why do we drown ourselves in phases of "not good enough"s and refuse to give ourselves room for imperfections? Why do we choose to give ourselves that pressure of getting it right?
Perfectionism is a sprout that could come from many different seeds. The most common ones are low self-esteem and the toxic habit of overthinking. We don't feel like we are worth the chance of starting over or correcting flaws.
Comparison also comes into play. We fall into the trap of comparing our level 2 to another person's level 15, failing to take into account that they must've had many trials and errors themselves before reaching their success. But we don't think like that. We grow obsessive, thinking "oh God why can't I do this one simple thing that that person seems to have easily mastered?"
Why do we continue? It's time to step out of that shell. We want absolute perfection, but we have to learn to acknowledge limitations. To live life as it is, not through what you expect out of it, or what you want to achieve. You try your best, and with whatever the outcome, you learn to think that yes, this is enough.
Now I use my perfectionism as fuel to drive me forward. It gives a good set of motivation, because high standards pull out more productivity. It's true that for perfectionists, working is easy. We work at our own pace, and are equipped with a lot of determination. So perhaps, perfectionism is a shrub that we don't need to cut down, but we just need to prune. Life isn't always perfect, and we will not (never) be perfect, but wouldn't it feel great to actually embrace it, instead of constantly trying otherwise?
I'll write again soon.
The Shrine of Remembrance | Melbourne, Australia
Oh I miss Melbourne.
Last June, I visited this gorgeous city with my mom and stayed for about 10 days there. We kind of had to soak up all the winter air but nonetheless, it was still a memorable trip. The thing about winter in Australia is not only does it happen midyear, but it's also not that cold compared to perhaps the US or the European countries. I loved feeling the light breeze while still enjoying a beautiful blue sky over my head. It was a gorgeous experience! I had a lovely time exploring Melbourne in many different ways, especially knowing that it was most likely going to be my home starting on next year until about the 4 years after. Heh. But anyway!
While I was there, I managed to take an afternoon to arrange a meet-up with my good friend Shannon. We only had about a couple of hours so we decided to go to the Shrine of Remembrance! And let me tell you about (no- let me show you) how stunning it was.
The hilarious part was after we took the tram from the city to the Shrine of Remembrance, we had to walk up the hill through the grass and past these beautiful beautiful trees. And we ended up taking countless photos there. By the trees. Before we even reached the landmark. Haha we couldn't help it, this area was so serene and gorgeous and it was so different from home that we loved every inch of it. So yes, we loved walking up the hill and in the distance, we finally saw it.
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| That's how majestic and big the Shrine was. Featuring my height for scale. |
I didn't wear any special outfit, I basically had a green coat on with a pair of black jeans, black boots, and my go-to tiny Kate Spade backpack. I didn't want to dress up that much because I wanted to let the day be more beautiful than I was. --> My new motto.
The Shrine of Remembrance was built to pay tribute to the lives lost during the First World War. There were about 19,000 Victorians killed during their time serving in the war, but their bodies didn't get to be buried near their homes. So the Shrine was built not only to preserve the memories of the men and women who served in the Great War (1914-1918), but to give the families a chance to grieve and the communities a chance to honour the sacrifices made. Hence, the Shrine was built as the "national war memorial of Victoria".
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| One of the chambers inside the Shrine. |
We climbed to the top of the Shrine before leaving and got the most stunning view of the Melbourne city skyline. It got a little more cloudy but once you witness it in person, it would literally take your breath away. Especially since the landmark was located quite outside of the city and away from the crowd, but the view from the top of the Shrine gives you a look past the Yarra river and into the busy CBD of Melbourne. (Fun fact: They also designed the city so that the Shrine would constantly be visible if you walk along Swanston Street, which is one of the main streets in the city, in order to pay tribute to the historical structure.)
I didn't take as many pictures when I was inside and seeing all the exhibits but I can tell you it was definitely fascinating. There were displays of old journals and pocket watches and uniforms that belonged to the soldiers, not to mention the wall that showed seemingly endless rows of medals. It was breathtaking. If you are ever in Melbourne, you totally have to visit. The entry is free of charge, and it's definitely something worth seeing.
Have you ever been to Melbourne? What places did you get to visit? Do leave a comment below and I'd love to hear from you guys :) Stay tuned for more.
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