Loved Lately: Jazz, Windows, and Taylor Swift
It's finally Friday *cue the longest sigh in human history*. This week, my university classes resumed (and paying thousands of dollars for video calls is still a rude awakening). My days are long and strenuous — yesterday, I was very nearing burnout. Symptoms prevailed; staying at my desk until 10 PM, losing sleep and appetite, dreading life itself. So I made the decision, yesterday night, to block off everything on my to-do list today.
With no near deadlines to miss, I said, "No work for you this Friday. You're gonna show up to class, and that's it." It might not sound like much but this was momentous — the choice of slowing down rather than power through (which would only worsen my deteriorating state).
So in our lunch break today, I took a nature walk. When class finished at 4, I took a shower. I heated a late lunch, and picked up a book. The littlest victories.
Now, I'm feeling optimistic. I'm excited about my semester and everything coming this next few months. Although I'm still just as tired as the world is, I have reason to hope, and I've stumbled into some wondrous corners of the Internet lately. Below, a list of what I discovered.
Road Trips, My Brother's Laugh, and Other Things I Miss
Last Monday night, I found myself swiveling in my chair, laughing with a high school friend who now lives in South Korea. Our unplanned pre-dinner Zoom call had gone on for nearly an hour, in which we joked and pondered about boys, friends, memories.
I realise we hadn't laughed together since I saw her over a year ago. We describe how silly that with all this distance, we were only an hour apart. "I hate timezones," I laugh. "It's crazy," she replies. I tell her I don't miss high school. She tells me she doesn't, either.
Some Advice on Reading More, and Letting Go
Life is too short to read books you don't like.
The earliest memory I have of forcing myself to read a book I don't like was To Kill a Mockingbird. I was 11. Mockingbird was, and is, the only English classic I've ever read in my life.
Different from the reason so many American children had read it, I read To Kill a Mockingbird voluntarily. Now, in hindsight, To Kill a Mockingbird tells a very good story. But did I possess the intellect to fully appreciate it at that age? Frankly, no.
I didn't enjoy it. But when I decided to read it, it felt like injustice to start a book without finishing. So I did. It must've taken me months, but I finished it.
Little did I know that this odd, slightly self-punishing habit, would prolong until — well, until recently.
Cancel Culture, and a Study on Unforgiveness
On July 7th 2020, Harper's Magazine published a piece titled, A Letter on Justice and Open Debate. The letter, signed by literary giants like Malcolm Gladwell and J. K. Rowling, speaks out against public shaming and, as we call it, cancel culture.
This was published following the momentum of Rowling being 'cancelled' for her anti-trans beliefs. But aside from that — since I'm not here to talk about her — I thought long and hard upon reading this letter. It writes against the "intolerance of opposing views..."
"The democratic inclusion we want," it states early in the text, "can be achieved only if we speak out against the intolerant climate that has set in on all sides."
We pause right here. As an active citizen of Twitter, I'm no stranger to this climate they speak of — and I can testify that cancel culture, albeit debated, is alive and well.
But what is it?
A Life Update, A List, and Some Remedies for a Bad Day
As I'm writing this to you, four birds are perched on the tree outside my window. They are chirping so incessantly it seems to be a heated family discussion. It is Thursday morning, and the first day of our second lockdown period here in Melbourne. Six weeks is what they're telling us. Six weeks to eradicate the second wave (which unfortunately, did happen).
Perhaps contrary to how some are reacting, I actually am happy, and relieved. Partly saddened, of course, for being separated from my loved ones, and for the small businesses trying to make ends meet. But any extreme measure necessary to keep us safe and alive, I'm happy to oblige. So here I am, sitting in my home desk on a perfect, sunny-cold Thursday morning.
My day is going fine. How is yours?
I found these in my pocket. Would you like some?
My Month Away from Blogging
On May 16th, I was chatting with a friend about how we'd been doing. Ours is the type of friendship where we check in on each other regularly, while making jokes about therapy.
"Have you been doing better?" she asked. "Looks like you've been functioning well."
"What do you mean?" I said.
"Well you've been writing," she answered. "So that's a good sign."
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