Some Happy Things | From a Distance
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| Stranger with the yellow beret. Belvedere Castle, Central Park. February 2020. |
Life has been all about listening these days. To my friends' late night phone calls, to my mother's stories, to some very, very nice tunes.
I'll keep this one short and sweet (as I write this at 3:34 AM, waiting for a project to render.) I'm sleep-deprived, but in the words of Olivia Gatwood, "I have so much beautiful time."
I'm Passionate and Exhausted | From a Distance
There are days where I lack the strength of being a person. In these days, I don't answer calls, I hate seeing people, and I'm stuck with a bad case of impostor syndrome.
Only a week earlier, I had been painting, writing, finishing books, and doing my assignments diligently, believe it or not. It felt miraculous, and surreal – cooking new recipes, getting up in the morning for a walk or a jog.
These are the hills, upon which I seem to fall in love with life over and over again.
But with every hillside, there's a valley.
There are days where I rise above. There are days where I scrape the surface of rock bottom.
A Change in Season, Among Other Things | From a Distance
When I first moved into my apartment, I was one of those tenants blessed with a - let's say - difficult landlord. For now we'll call her Margaret.
The first time I came into her office, she shot me a cunning glare. Her manner is stiff and straightforward. This was by no malintent I'm sure, but reaching out to her was stressful.
As I was moving in, I had to rely on communicating with Margaret - in which her replies were sparse and cold shouldered. I felt so drained, that I sensed our interactions turn petty. Even my mother knows this, as I confided in her too many times. "She never responds!" I'd whine, "And never has time to even see me!"
Within a couple months, I had made enough Ikea trips to make my home. After all maintenance was taken care of, I (finally) barely had the need to contact her anymore.
Better, in Other Ways | From a Distance
"Have patience with all things, But first of all, with yourself."
–Saint Francis de Sales
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It's been a cold weekend. Not that it bears significance. (Is it Saturday or Thursday? I can never tell these days.)
I'm feeling a little daunted. Not by the obvious state we're living in, but because, as I'm typing this on a rainy Sunday afternoon, I'm not.... particularly... doing anything.
Now I don't know who it is out there that has convinced me I could've used this time to meditate – or to exercise, or continue working.
But strangely, I feel like I have to. Daily. Every minute of every day. And any way I fall short would mean I'm wasting precious self-isolated time. (So cook a recipe! Finish a book! Work out! Oh, and have you watered your plants lately?)
To Lift the Mood | From a Distance
How are you today? I've been saying so many "how are you"s lately. I mean it so much more now than I ever have.
This week finds us easing into the way of things. A strange, new equilibrium. I will, however, miss this collectiveness. A sense of "good luck out there". But I also look forward to the day we’ve overcome this.
Until then, here’s a collection of things that's been helping me to cheer up a bit. Because, really, at the end of the day, it matters that we're okay...
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