Saturday, April 9, 2016

LIFE: Long Distance Relationships


distance (n.) 
An amount of space between two things or people.
relationship (n.) 
The way in which two or more objects, concepts, or people are connected; the state of being connected.

Ta-daaa. Let's talk relationships. Writing about something personal can be tricky sometimes. You don't want to give too much information, but you want to share just enough in the hopes of making a difference to the people reading this. I don't know how anyone could find this post "inspiring" but at least I hope it helps in some way.

Here's a small update: Currently, I'm in a relationship with someone who lives 468 miles away from me (thanks, Google.) It's a long story. But thankfully, we're not separated by oceans or continents. No time difference, only different cities.

My friends ask me how I "survive", and a few has told me I'm "strong". A few also said that it's "romantic", or "wow, it's just like in the movies!" Stuff like that. It's flattering and hilarious, but I don't think I've ever told anyone about how it actually feels to be a part of it. So for this post, I decided to get real. In all honesty, here are a few things I can say.

How Distance Helps

Technically, distance has a way of bringing you closer. The science is that communication is what makes a relationship, and the same goes with trust. Distance puts pressure on both these things. When you're far apart, it makes you constantly want to re-connect. You text, you call, or you tell each other stories everyday like a daily life report. With the distance, your relationship is anything but shallow. It's not sitting together in nice cafes or driving together to malls, but it purely comes from talking and listening. A level of understanding that goes deeper than the surface.

It also forces you to be independent. You know those people who kind of just go missing after being in a relationship because they just go on dates all the time? Well, I will never be one of those people. Being away from them means there's room for you to spend time with your friends and family. It gives you space to grow, and to not miss out on what life has to offer. You don't cling to them all the time, which in some ways, just keeps you sane. It's hard, but it gives you balance.

The Hard Side

But how do you make it work? The first thing is, you have to be with someone who makes it seem easy. Someone who checks in on you and asks how your day was. Someone who makes effort and doesn't take you for granted. For example, someone who would ride on a train for 3 hours just to come and spend time with you when you're traveling in a city near his. Those kind of people.

I gotta say, long distance feels like a constant countdown. Except you're not sure when the timer's going to end. You take it day by day without fully knowing when you'll see each other again, and once you do, time flies a little too quick and it's a tough, bittersweet goodbye before you know it. That's when the timer resets, and the countdown starts over, to another day where you'll hopefully get to see them again. (Keep your feelings to yourselves, people.)

What happens when the person you genuinely care about is so far away from you? You appreciate their presence more than anything. You start to acknowledge all the little things, like simply having them beside you. Hearing their voice becomes something rare, and seeing them in person feels nearly impossible. Well technically, without a ticket, it is.

But you try. You try your best to make the most out of it. It's not going to work if only one person is doing all they can. Both sides need to understand that they need to try to make it work together. Make time and stay honest. You don't demand, you just give. Because I guess that's how love is supposed to work. (Right?)

The Heart

So I haven't told you about my actual story now, have I? That's because I don't know how to tell it properly. I've only been experiencing it for about a month, but I can honestly tell you that aside from all the hard stuff I mentioned earlier, somehow, it's worth it.

We make it work, one way or another. We've promised to tell each other everything, and aside from the hard stuff, he makes it seem easy. We text each other everyday, and make calls when we can. He gets it when I'm busy, and I get it when he is. There are plenty of things that he does, from the small things (like a "good morning" text already waiting on my phone every time I wake up), to the big things (like riding a train all the way to Jakarta to see me.) 

I can't find the words to describe what it was like to actually see him. It was like knowing that all your patience finally paid off. This was the person you'd tell everything to. The person who understands you and makes you laugh, and probably knows all the little things about you. To be able to finally sit with him and chat, or just walk with him in a big mall that we knew nothing about, or even sit in a theatre and watch a movie that bored us to death, it was more, more, more than enough.

John Green once said, "you can never love someone as much as you can miss them." I don't know if that's true, but I think it's okay. You can miss them when you're alone, miss them when you talk to them, miss them when you see photos of the last time you were together. Miss them immensely, or sometimes just a little bit. Allow yourself to miss them. Maybe it's just your heart's way of reminding yourself that you love them still.

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And that's it! I don't know if any of this made sense. This post was long, but I guess it's enough. I'm actually in the process of making a vlog from my Jakarta trip, but the compiling and the editing are going to take quite a while. So I chose something slightly easier for now. Stay tuned!

If you happen to have any questions, or if you share the same experience, or if you simply have anything to say, feel free to leave a comment! I'd love to hear from you.

Good talk.



Disclaimer: I extracted a lot of what I wrote from Jenn Im's video here, in case you were wondering, because I didn't know how to accurately put my feelings into words, so I somehow found that as a source of inspiration. Don't judge. K bye.





18 comments :

  1. So they say, "absence makes the heart grow fonder". I hope your love for each other grows fonder each passing day!
    Really great post Jo! I always love reading you! 😊

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  2. I know just how long distance feels - fingers crossed we only have a couple of months left though! x

    NINEGRANDSTUDENT: A Student Lifestyle Blog

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  3. This is such a beautiful post! You always word things in such a lovely way. As it happens, my relationship (distance-wise) is the complete opposite of yours: Luke & I live on the same street, 15 houses apart. I wouldn't change it for the world but I do wonder sometimes how different our relationship would be if he lived further away. I do think that 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' as Ella said above and sometimes I think we do take each others presence for granted. Wishing you both all the love & happiness!

    Lauren x
    whatlaurendidtoday.blogspot.co.uk

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  4. I agree that long distance can bring you closer to each other! Nice post!
    http://fabuloustorture.blogspot.com

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  5. This was a great post and very heartfelt. I have some experience of long distance relationships and I think that even the smallest distance, any sort of distance that means you can't see eachother more than at least once a week makes a difference. I know some people who make it work but it is very emotionally difficult. But as you say, when you do see them it's amazing and you're so grateful to have them!

    Rags Of Love - Alternative Fashion and Lifestyle Blog

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  6. Love this! I enjoyed reading your post dear.


    ** Join Love, Beauty Bloggers on facebook. A place for beauty and fashion bloggers from all over the world to promote their latest posts!


    BEAUTYEDITER.COM
    INSTAGRAM @BEAUTYEDITER

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  7. wow.. so brave for you to open this topic in your blog. i've been in long distance relationships before and it really depends on both parties. as long as you both know that there's going to be an end goal in terms of getting together again in one location, then it can totally work!

    Have a great week!
    Animated Confessions

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  8. such a lovely post... been there and it totally depends on both parties

    have a great weekend x

    Anna
    www.lorenneblau.com

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  9. I have lived long distance relationship and it worked for me and made it stronger, now we are happy and married
    Kisses
    @Agasuitcase

    New post: Trip to Barbados - video diary Travel with Aga

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  10. I don't think I could do Long distance relationships so i totally admire you!

    xx
    Ana Leote | Meet Me @ 2am

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  11. Lovely post! I agree with everything you said!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I had to do a long distance relationship overseas and it was not fun.. but it did help each of us grow closer and helped develop our relationship for the better! :)

    Hope you're having a great weekend!
    I would love to connect! My instagram is nicolevaidosa

    ~ Nicole
    www.nicolevaidosa.com

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  12. Great post! I've never experienced a long distance relationship and I admire your ability to, it does sound so tough!

    Anoushka Probyn - A London Fashion Blog

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  13. Interesting post!
    Have a nice week-end!
    Gil Zetbase
    http://gilzetbase.com/

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  14. I know how hard long distance can be! Great post!
    xx
    Mademoiselle Coconath
    http://mllecoconath.com

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  15. You two are the cutest! I am sure you can surpass any challenge! =)


    - Cielo
    Mermaid in Heels

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  16. This is so cute! Love your blog babe

    http://mollyx.com.au/

    xxMolly

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  17. Great post babe!! A very interesting read!

    Adi xx
    www.fancycorrectitude.com

    ReplyDelete